I’m extremely adept at questioning yesterday’s decisions, especially when it comes to decisions about spending a lot of money. I do this all the time. I’ll get very excited about some new acquisition. I’ll give passing attention to questions about whether it's affordable or not. I’ll quickly convince myself that I can handle the expenses, and then I’m back to musing on how much I want to have whatever it is. I’ll make the purchase, and within hours the second guessing sets in. Why did I spend all that money? How will I ever afford it?
Delayed Soul Searching
Why didn’t I go through such soul searching before the purchase was made? Why the intense questioning now when the purchase is a done deal?
An article in the latest issue of The Atlantic, one of many periodicals that I read, helps to explain the phenomenon and makes me feel that I am not such an odd ball after all. The article is entitled “First Person Plural,” by Paul Bloom (The Atlantic, November 2008, pages 90-98). Paul Bloom teaches psychology at Yale University.
Community of Competing Selves
What the article suggests is that in each of us is more than one self and that some of these selves often may be in conflict with one another. Certainly they can be driven by different motives. Says psychologist Bloom, “Many researchers now believe, to varying degrees, that each of us is a community of competing selves, with the happiness of one often causing the misery of another.” Later, he explains, “The idea is that…within each brain different selves are continually popping in and out of existence. They have different desires, and they fight for control—bargaining with, deceiving, and plotting against one another.”
In my case, one self gets easily excited about the new—new technology, new ways of doing things. This self can hardly contain itself when what is new seems to have a practical benefit and at the same time appears to be the socially responsible thing to do. I started getting excited about the idea of owning a hybrid during the spring of 2008 when gasoline prices began their steep rise. I became obsessed with the fuel gage on the Subaru. I’d watch it drop before my eyes as the vehicle traveled the windy mountain roads we have in this area, and I’d be struck with some dread as the thought crossed my mind, “Oh no, I’ve got to buy fuel again.” Then I’d feel more pain at the gas pump as the total on the fuel pump gage went beyond $50.
Negatives With The Subaru
I was also motivated, I have to admit, by the increasing sluggishness of the Subaru when climbing the kind of hills we have here in the mountains of Southwest Virginia, and my motivation increased even more when I returned from Baptist Hospital this summer, where I had my second bone marrow transplant, with knees that weren’t working very well and heightened sensitivity in the legs to any feeling of being cramped. I should mention that I now measure six feet three inches tall, and a good bit of that height is in my legs. (When I was younger I was over six feet five inches in height.)
Then too I need to mention that the odometer on the Subaru was getting closer and closer to the 100,000 mile mark, and under any circumstances it makes sense that I might feel that I was at some kind of decision point about the car.
Self Obsessed With Security
Hence the self that was easily excited about the new could assemble lots of supporting evidence to justify the idea of a trade-in. Another self, however, is obsessed with issues having to do with security. Overwhelmed by the self that is the lover of the new, this self kept pretty quiet until the deal was made. Only then did it adopt a loud and relentlessly negative refrain. “How can a person like you, retired and living on a fixed income, afford the significantly higher monthly payments for the new vehicle? Was this a smart thing to do?” it asked with a decidedly skeptical—even snide—tone to the imagined voice.
Then too there are other negative issues, but determining who the self is in these cases may not be so easy to figure out.
Given Your Health, Why?
“Given your health situation what are you doing buying a new car?” asks one such negative self. “You may not have very much time to enjoy it.” Then there is the issue of the down payment. Says still another negative voice: “You took a big bite out of your cash reserves to try and keep your monthly payments in line. Up to this point, you were using your cash reserves to fund your publishing ventures. You may never be able to put up the money to work with a print-on-demand (POD) publisher again after this expenditure.”
Obviously, this negative self isn’t thinking about the issue raised by the self who questioned my health and limited longevity. If I don’t have too much longer to live, what difference does it make if I won’t be able to afford to work with a print-on-demand publisher again? Another response to the negative self questioning my decision has been resounding in my mind of late: “Isn’t it time you found a publisher who doesn’t require any of your own money? Haven’t you earned the right to a publisher who will risk his or her own funds to publish your work?” Yes! Yes! Yes!
Preoccupied With New Car
Either each of the negative selves must be answered if I am ever going to have another moment of peace and get a chance to enjoy the new car or with the passage of time these negative selves must run out of energy. In fact, both parts of this proposition are coming to fruition. One way they are coming to fruition is through the new car itself. By focusing on the demands of the car, I’m having less time to listen to the negative voices. A case in point is the built-in telephone or specifically the built-in cell phone system.
Because Harriet and I are about to take the car on a long Thanksgiving holiday trip to Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York, I am intent on getting the built-in cell phone system called Synch working so that we can send and receive calls without having to have a cell phone squashed to an ear. The built-in system takes over the operation of your cell phone. Calls come in to the center console on the dashboard, and they go out the same way. No need to use the actual cell phone itself at all.
Incoming Calls Okay, Not Out
To date, I’ve gotten half the system working properly—the part of the system that receives calls—but I’m still trying to have calls go out through the use of voice commands. That part of the system doesn’t want to work for some reason. If that problem persists, then I’ll have to make a trip back to the dealer to see the salesman who sold me the car and who seems to be an expert in the Synch system.
I’m also at an early stage of going through the main owner’s manual to learn the fine points of operating the car. The operation of a hybrid differs in some important ways from the operation of a conventional gasoline-powered car, and I am trying to learn as much as possible before daring to take the vehicle on a long trip, such as we plan in just two weeks.
By Nature An Optimist
In other words, I’m already quite involved with the new car, and this involvement is leaving me less and less time for the voices of my negative selves. By nature, I am a positive optimistic person. I suppose one can argue that the voices of optimism are still another self inside me. It looks like the positive optimistic self is starting to take over. It’s starting to quiet the negative voices. “Let the good times roll.” That’s what my positive optimistic voice is saying. “Yes, let the good times roll!”
Thanks for tuning into Mind Check. For a look at my other writing, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. Please note that my latest book, Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, is now available. It would make a wonderful holiday present for someone you care about. It can be ordered on line. I am also happy to announce that still another new book by Stephen Alan Saft, City Above The Sea And Other Poems, is nearing completion. You’ll learn more about both books at the sasaftwrites website.
Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft
