MOMENTOUS YEAR REACHES ITS HIGH POINT WITH GODCHILD REUNION

This is an appropriate time to be reviewing the events of 2008. The start of a new year is just a week away, and it is normal at a time like this to be looking back and asking, “What kind of year was it anyway?”

One word sums it up for me. “Momentous.” The election of the first African American as President in our history made sure of that. As long as anyone will care about American history, the year 2008 will have its special consideration—as the year Barack Obama got elected. It was also a year that the high flying U.S. economy started unraveling, but let us hope that that end-of-year phenomenon will be short lived under the management of a new Obama Administration.

Second Bone Marrow Transplant

For me, 2008 was a year of special significance for several other reasons. It was a year during which I underwent the second bone marrow transplant of my life. The bone marrow transplant, which I had first gone through in 2002, was again urged on me to fight the reoccurrence of the blood cancer called lymphoma. It was also a year during which I managed to publish two books of poetry (see my website for more details: http://www.sasaftwrites.com), and it was the year that I was reunited with Stephen Johnson, my godson. In fact, the latter proved to be the most dramatic event of all for me.

I was lying in my bed in the bone marrow transplant ward on the ninth floor of the Reynolds Tower of Baptist Hospital, Winston-Salem, North Carolina sometime in mid July when the phone on the stand next to my bed rang. I picked it up, and the caller on the other end introduced himself as someone I had not spoken with in many years. He said his name was Stephen Johnson. He said he was my godson.

Hearing Name Is Enough

As soon as I heard his name, even before the word “godson” registered, I knew who he was. The emotion surged in me. Indeed we hadn’t spoken in many years—over 20 in fact. When we were last in touch Stephen wasn’t quite a teenager, probably 12 years old. And yes indeed he was my godson, my godson who I had abandoned for reasons, however misguided, around 1987.

His mother, a single black woman who had worked for my first wife and me as a cleaning lady in Brooklyn by name of Martha Jean Johnson, had asked me to serve as Stephen’s godfather just before he was born in 1968. He was a baby boy coming into the world in Harlem Hospital without a father, and it seemed to me that the least I could do was say “yes” to Martha Jean’s request. My assumption was that a godfather was expected to serve as a role model, and this was a responsibility that I felt flattered to be asked to fulfill. How could I refuse?

Share Room With Stephen

Even after I moved away from New York City, first to New Jersey, then to Maine, and then to the Washington, D.C., area I had kept in touch with Martha Jean and Stephen—at the very least sending them presents at holiday time. At some point when my first marriage was falling apart I fled Maine for New York City and spent at least one night with Martha Jean and Stephen in their Lower East Side apartment where Stephen let me share his room with him.

Just before wife Harriet and I were married in 1980, the second marriage for both of us, we met in New York where she was taking computer training. By then I had relocated to Washington, and both Harriet and I were working for a Washington, D.C. corporation in the satellite communications business. During that visit, we got together with Stephen and Martha Jean in Brooklyn Heights, and as best I can remember the four of us walked around this old Brooklyn neighborhood together, a neighborhood famous for its Promenade overlooking the Lower West side of Manhattan and New York Harbor. Brooklyn Heights had been the first place in the city where I had lived just after leaving graduate school at Yale in 1963.

Go To The Boat Show

Even earlier Stephen remembers my taking him to the New York Boat Show at what was then called the New York Coliseum up on Columbus Circle when I was still living in Maine and working for a publication called National Fisherman based in the Penobscot Bay town of Camden. National Fisherman would have an exhibit booth at the New York Boat Show every year as a base from which to sell advertising space in the publication and to drum up subscription sales, and those of us on the editorial side of the operation would also have our chance to be present at the show and to take advantage of what the big city had to offer.

The break with Stephen and his mother occurred in the mid 1980s, and it was entirely my fault. I fell on hard times, first losing my job with the satellite communications company, then a little more than a year later losing a new job as director of communications for an association in Silver Spring, Maryland. I had been sending Stephen and Martha Jean presents at Christmas time, as I indicated, but with the loss of the second job I felt devastated. By this time I had taken on the responsibility of trying to put my son through an expensive eastern college, and I had no idea how I was going to be able to manage it now with the loss of the second job.

Low Opinion of Myself

Not only did I stop the presents to Stephen and Martha Jean, but the communication as well—an act of extremism that didn’t have to be. I felt embarrassed that I was in such dire straights financially, and I’m afraid I overreacted. In my mind at the time, presents and caring about another human being were one in the same thing. It didn’t occur to me that Stephen needed the continuing attention of an adult male far more than he needed some extra dollars at Christmas time. Yes, I was suffering from a very low opinion of myself at the time. The loss of jobs will do that to you.

Now we jump ahead to July 2008. It struck me as a miracle that Stephen had gotten in touch with me. It struck me that I was being given a second chance to make amends to this man, now in his early 40s, to make up for my failures as a role model the first time around. I didn’t want to mess it up. I wanted to be the godfather now that I felt I had not been before.

Hyatt Hotel Jersey City

In the course of that fateful telephone conversation from my bed in Baptist Hospital, I learned that Martha Jean had died at least five years before. Stephen was married now, he told me. In fact, he had an 18-year-old daughter, but amazingly he was still living in the same Lower East Side apartment where I had once stayed and shared a room with him. Yes, I was older now with a much stronger idea of the responsibility that we bear each other. I wasn’t going to be so cavalier about my relationship with Stephen Johnson ever again.

Since then we’ve been together twice, first in Greensboro, North Carolina, where we met after one of my follow-up sessions at Baptist Hospital, then in New York during Thanksgiving when Harriet and I stayed at the Hyatt Hotel Jersey City and were treated to the breathtaking views of Lower West Side Manhattan, the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island and where Stephen played the role of chauffeur and drove us all around the city. During the first visit we met Stephen’s adopted sister Melissa, and during the second Marsha, his wife, Camille, his daughter, and Cita, Marsha’s mother from Trinidad as well as Melissa, all wonderful people who we thoroughly enjoyed being with. And now we are just about to go to the Big Island of Hawaii with Stephen where we will be getting together with son Scott, his wife Yumiko and our grandson Sebi (Sebastian).

38 Year Reunion

As best I can figure—and I took the photographs that are a record of the event—Scott and Stephen were last together in 1970 when Scott was four and Stephen was two. Now they’ll be getting together again 38 years later.

Thanks entirely to Stephen’s courage and initiative, I’ve been given this second chance to make a whole new relationship with him, and I’m not going to squander the opportunity this time. This time I’m going to be the godfather that fate has meant me to be.

Thanks for tuning into Mind Check. For a look at my other writing, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. Please note that my two latest books, Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat and City Above The Sea And Other Poems are now available online. They would make wonderful holiday presents for people you care about. They’re both available from the sasaft website. Have a healthy and happy 2009.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

WE MUST HELP THE U.S.AUTO INDUSTRY, BUT WE MUST INSIST ON FAIR TERMS FOR THE U.S. TAX PAYER

The fiscal crisis spreading like influenza throughout the world has for the moment infected the U.S. auto industry. Should the U.S. Congress use tax payer funds to bail out the U.S. auto industry just as it is currently bailing out the U.S. financial industry and attempting to bail out the U.S. housing industry?

Like each of the bail-out plans that has come before Congress, the U.S. auto industry bail-out score has been accompanied by a howling chorus of nay sayers singing an angry counterpoint. The negative lyrics of this chorus include such lines as “let them fail. We don’t care if they go out of business. All they know how to build is over sized gas guzzlers that pollute the environment.”

UAW Blamed

Still another set of lines pertains to the United Auto Workers (UAW) Union and unions in general. These lines say something like this: “It’s the UAW with a long history of sweetheart contracts with management, the result of the repeated capitulations of management over the years, that has brought the U.S. auto industry to the low state it finds itself. Now is the time to get rid of the UAW and maybe the industry itself will revive. And while we’re at it let’s get rid of all labor unions.”

What is to be done? The higher pay and benefits won by the UAW for its worker members over the decades of union contract negotiations has helped to make these workers and their families even more valuable contributors to society as tax payers, as consumers of products and services in their respective communities, and as involved citizens active in community affairs than would have been possible had they been members of an oppressed working class as they once were during Henry Ford’s time.

Good Pay Hurts Competitiveness

On the other hand, the case can be made that these same workers with their middle class pay and benefit packages have contributed to the declining competitiveness of the industry of which they are part as that industry attempts to compete with the products of foreign manufacturers with a work force often earning much less and receiving much less in benefits. They’ve accomplished that simply by doing what all of us humans do by instinct, that is, to seek to improve our situations in life.

Nor can we remove from blame the senior executives of these organizations with their obscene pay and benefit packages and the corporate jets at their disposal costing $35 million or more. They too have played a role in keeping the U.S. auto industry less competitive than it should have been.

Horrendous Ripple Effect

Do we let this industry employing hundreds of thousands of people throughout the country just go out of business? The ripple effect would be horrendous with not just assembly line workers but all the people who make the tires, the glass, the batteries, the electronics, and other parts as well as all the people employed at the dealerships out of work as well. No, we simply can’t let that happen. The unemployment figures are already alarming enough. Imagine those figures two to three times as high.

Do We Attach Strings?

And so I ask the question again. What is to be done? Now is a good time for a reexamination of the economic and political principles that lie at the heart of our most sacred assumptions. Do we attach strings to the bail-out funds for the industry? Do we say to both senior management and union rank and file, “We’ll give you several billion of taxpayer money. Now you agree to substantial pay cuts and benefit cuts until this industry can turn out affordable products that will compete with the products of the Japanese and the Koreans—products that have less of a negative impact on the environment ”

The answer in my opinion is a resounding “yes.” These same strings need to be applied, in my opinion, to all organizations receiving taxpayer hand outs. Communism is dead and good riddance to it. Even socialism has significantly less standing now than it did during the middle of the last century. We don’t need to be guided by these left wing philosophies, but what we do need is to uphold a middle ground philosophy that accounts for individual rights, but which still encompasses the interests of all of us as a group with common needs and interests as citizens or taxpayers—a community of common interests.

Survival With Healthy Economy

Our common need and interest is the survival of this country, survival with as healthy an economy as possible. This, I believe, is part of the concept of “happiness” as stated by Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence—our “unalienable rights” including “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

A political philosophy that comes closest to expressing this concept of a middle ground philosophy that respects both individual rights and the common needs of the members of society is called Communitarianism. One of its spokesmen is the philosopher Amitai Etzioni, who for many years was associated with George Washington University in Washington, D.C., my former employer. Etzioni has done a lot of critical thinking about supposed conflict concepts such as the rights of pedophiles versus the rights of society to be protected against pedophiles.

Etzioni’s Golden Rule

Etzioni proposes a new Golden Rule, which goes like this: “Respect and uphold society’s moral order as you would have society respect and uphold your autonomy.”

Okay, so what do we need to expect from the auto industry—both labor and management—in turn for the bail-out? Here are the terms I would impose:

• Cars and other vehicles must be built to the highest safety standards

• Cars and other vehicles must be built to last as long as possible. No more planned obsolescence.

• Warranties must be fully guaranteed and protected by federal law and fully transferable from owner to owner, that is, if the vehicles are fuel efficient

• There must be across the board commitment to hybrid technology including hybrid and electric car combinations. No new vehicles getting less than 20 miles per gallon. Outlaw them.

• A federal board—the Fair Executive Compensation Board--established by Congress to review and approve (or veto) all executive compensation above $250,000 per year, criterion number one for this board, the effect on car prices and competitiveness

• A federal board—the Fair Labor Contracts Board—established by Congress to review and approve (or veto) all labor contracts, criterion number one for this board, the effect on car prices and competitiveness.

Thanks for tuning into Mind Check. For a look at my other writing, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. Please note that my latest book, Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, is now available. It would make a wonderful holiday present for someone you care about. It can be ordered on line. I am also happy to announce that still another new book by Stephen Alan Saft, City Above The Sea And Other Poems, is nearing completion. In fact, you can also order it on line right now. You’ll learn more about both books at the sasaftwrites website.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

A NEW CAR OR HOW THE SELF THAT LOVES THE NEW TRUMPED SECURITY OBSESSED SELVES

Why did I buy a new car at a time like this? The economy is in the doldrums, and optimism about anything having to do with spending money for anything is extremely hard to find. Yet a couple of days ago I went to a car dealer in Blacksburg, Virginia, home of Virginia Tech, and traded in my 2003 Subaru Outback for a 2009 Ford Hybrid Escape equipped with four-wheel drive.

I’m extremely adept at questioning yesterday’s decisions, especially when it comes to decisions about spending a lot of money. I do this all the time. I’ll get very excited about some new acquisition. I’ll give passing attention to questions about whether it's affordable or not. I’ll quickly convince myself that I can handle the expenses, and then I’m back to musing on how much I want to have whatever it is. I’ll make the purchase, and within hours the second guessing sets in. Why did I spend all that money? How will I ever afford it?

Delayed Soul Searching

Why didn’t I go through such soul searching before the purchase was made? Why the intense questioning now when the purchase is a done deal?

An article in the latest issue of The Atlantic, one of many periodicals that I read, helps to explain the phenomenon and makes me feel that I am not such an odd ball after all. The article is entitled “First Person Plural,” by Paul Bloom (The Atlantic, November 2008, pages 90-98). Paul Bloom teaches psychology at Yale University.

Community of Competing Selves

What the article suggests is that in each of us is more than one self and that some of these selves often may be in conflict with one another. Certainly they can be driven by different motives. Says psychologist Bloom, “Many researchers now believe, to varying degrees, that each of us is a community of competing selves, with the happiness of one often causing the misery of another.” Later, he explains, “The idea is that…within each brain different selves are continually popping in and out of existence. They have different desires, and they fight for control—bargaining with, deceiving, and plotting against one another.”

In my case, one self gets easily excited about the new—new technology, new ways of doing things. This self can hardly contain itself when what is new seems to have a practical benefit and at the same time appears to be the socially responsible thing to do. I started getting excited about the idea of owning a hybrid during the spring of 2008 when gasoline prices began their steep rise. I became obsessed with the fuel gage on the Subaru. I’d watch it drop before my eyes as the vehicle traveled the windy mountain roads we have in this area, and I’d be struck with some dread as the thought crossed my mind, “Oh no, I’ve got to buy fuel again.” Then I’d feel more pain at the gas pump as the total on the fuel pump gage went beyond $50.

Negatives With The Subaru

I was also motivated, I have to admit, by the increasing sluggishness of the Subaru when climbing the kind of hills we have here in the mountains of Southwest Virginia, and my motivation increased even more when I returned from Baptist Hospital this summer, where I had my second bone marrow transplant, with knees that weren’t working very well and heightened sensitivity in the legs to any feeling of being cramped. I should mention that I now measure six feet three inches tall, and a good bit of that height is in my legs. (When I was younger I was over six feet five inches in height.)

Then too I need to mention that the odometer on the Subaru was getting closer and closer to the 100,000 mile mark, and under any circumstances it makes sense that I might feel that I was at some kind of decision point about the car.

Self Obsessed With Security

Hence the self that was easily excited about the new could assemble lots of supporting evidence to justify the idea of a trade-in. Another self, however, is obsessed with issues having to do with security. Overwhelmed by the self that is the lover of the new, this self kept pretty quiet until the deal was made. Only then did it adopt a loud and relentlessly negative refrain. “How can a person like you, retired and living on a fixed income, afford the significantly higher monthly payments for the new vehicle? Was this a smart thing to do?” it asked with a decidedly skeptical—even snide—tone to the imagined voice.

Then too there are other negative issues, but determining who the self is in these cases may not be so easy to figure out.

Given Your Health, Why?

“Given your health situation what are you doing buying a new car?” asks one such negative self. “You may not have very much time to enjoy it.” Then there is the issue of the down payment. Says still another negative voice: “You took a big bite out of your cash reserves to try and keep your monthly payments in line. Up to this point, you were using your cash reserves to fund your publishing ventures. You may never be able to put up the money to work with a print-on-demand (POD) publisher again after this expenditure.”

Obviously, this negative self isn’t thinking about the issue raised by the self who questioned my health and limited longevity. If I don’t have too much longer to live, what difference does it make if I won’t be able to afford to work with a print-on-demand publisher again? Another response to the negative self questioning my decision has been resounding in my mind of late: “Isn’t it time you found a publisher who doesn’t require any of your own money? Haven’t you earned the right to a publisher who will risk his or her own funds to publish your work?” Yes! Yes! Yes!

Preoccupied With New Car

Either each of the negative selves must be answered if I am ever going to have another moment of peace and get a chance to enjoy the new car or with the passage of time these negative selves must run out of energy. In fact, both parts of this proposition are coming to fruition. One way they are coming to fruition is through the new car itself. By focusing on the demands of the car, I’m having less time to listen to the negative voices. A case in point is the built-in telephone or specifically the built-in cell phone system.

Because Harriet and I are about to take the car on a long Thanksgiving holiday trip to Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York, I am intent on getting the built-in cell phone system called Synch working so that we can send and receive calls without having to have a cell phone squashed to an ear. The built-in system takes over the operation of your cell phone. Calls come in to the center console on the dashboard, and they go out the same way. No need to use the actual cell phone itself at all.

Incoming Calls Okay, Not Out

To date, I’ve gotten half the system working properly—the part of the system that receives calls—but I’m still trying to have calls go out through the use of voice commands. That part of the system doesn’t want to work for some reason. If that problem persists, then I’ll have to make a trip back to the dealer to see the salesman who sold me the car and who seems to be an expert in the Synch system.

I’m also at an early stage of going through the main owner’s manual to learn the fine points of operating the car. The operation of a hybrid differs in some important ways from the operation of a conventional gasoline-powered car, and I am trying to learn as much as possible before daring to take the vehicle on a long trip, such as we plan in just two weeks.

By Nature An Optimist

In other words, I’m already quite involved with the new car, and this involvement is leaving me less and less time for the voices of my negative selves. By nature, I am a positive optimistic person. I suppose one can argue that the voices of optimism are still another self inside me. It looks like the positive optimistic self is starting to take over. It’s starting to quiet the negative voices. “Let the good times roll.” That’s what my positive optimistic voice is saying. “Yes, let the good times roll!”

Thanks for tuning into Mind Check. For a look at my other writing, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. Please note that my latest book, Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, is now available. It would make a wonderful holiday present for someone you care about. It can be ordered on line. I am also happy to announce that still another new book by Stephen Alan Saft, City Above The Sea And Other Poems, is nearing completion. You’ll learn more about both books at the sasaftwrites website.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

QUESTIONS ANSWERED: EXPERT PRESENTS HIS ASSESSMENT OF THE CASE

Kenneth Zamkoff, M.D., is an energetic man of about fifty—about six feet tall—with a salt and pepper beard that is half way between full and a starter. He is direct, energetic and even loud. Only someone who was stone deaf would have a hard time hearing Dr. Zamkoff. He is now my oncologist, as the oncologist originally assigned to me at Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, Denise Levitan, is out on maternity leave.

I didn’t know what to make of him during our first meeting a month ago, but he made a much stronger impression during the meeting in October. Along the way, I had become aware of the fact that Dr. Zamkoff was a specialist in lymphoma and was specifically very knowledgeable about Mantle Cell B Lymphoma, my disease. When I first saw him in the examining room this time, he disappointed me with the news that he had never gotten my letter, that is the letter containing the questions that I presented in the last posting. He then heard me out as I put each question to him, and he provided the answers I was seeking.

First Question: Lymph Node

My first question had to do with the continued presence of the cancerous lymph node in my abdomen. What did this mean? The second bone marrow transplant had not eliminated the lymph node in my mesentery. Because it had not gotten rid of it, was this second bone marrow transplant a failure? “No,” Zamkoff answered, “the lymph node is smaller than it was, and it may be less active than it was or not active at all.”

So should we do something right away to find out about the activity level? “Should I have another PET Scan?” I asked. “Another PET Scan or a laparoscopic biopsy,” he answered. I wasn’t happy to hear the reference to laparoscopic surgery, which I had already tried, as reported in a Mind Check posting in the fall of 2007. The laparoscopic procedure, although short in duration, had come complete with its own memorable trauma. And so I pushed the idea of a PET Scan. Then he surprised me by turning the tables on me by confronting me with a couple of questions I was ill equipped to answer.

Already Tried Velcade

“And what is that going to tell us?” he asked. “How active it is.” I answered. “And if it is active, what are we going to do about it?” “I don’t know,” I responded. How could I answer such a question? “You’ve already tried Velcade, right?” he asked referring to the so-called wonder drug for relapsed lymphoma that had been administered late last year.

“Yes,” I responded, “and it didn’t do a thing.” “In fact, the node was larger after Velcade treatment than it was before,” he interjected while flipping through a sheaf of paper which must have been my medical records. “That’s the problem,” he responded. “We’re running out of options. I’m going to do some research and see what else we could try, but we’ve already done the obvious things.”

Go Home And Forget About It

He looked right at me. “My advice to you is that you go home and forget about it. My advice to you is that you go home and live your life.”

In other words, he was advising me not to think about the finger nail size thing inside me—the dangerous lymph node—but to get on with my life, that nothing was to be gained by worrying about it. However, just so I would not go home and become too complacent he risked contradicting himself by asserting, “ I can tell you this, it will come back.” Then to make sure I did not miss what he had said he repeated it. “Based on my experience with this disease, it will come back.”

Remission First Time

Any reason for hope then? “How much of a remission did you get from the first bone marrow transplant?” he asked. “Five years,” I responded. “Five years, okay,” he was almost shouting. “Now that is a reason for hope. Maybe you can get almost as much time out of this bone marrow transplant as the first one.”

And what about my knees? Could I or should I consider knee replacement surgery? “We can’t make that decision now,” he answered. ‘You’re not ready now. Let’s wait three months and see how you’re doing. If you’re doing okay, and you still think you want and need to do something about the knees, that will be the time to consult with an orthopedic surgeon.” Then he added for emphasis, “That will be your decision.”

That was my meeting in October with Kenneth Zamkoff, M.D., oncologist. What did I learn? Frankly, very little that I didn’t already know, but I heard it from an expert in my particular disease, and I heard it without hedging or cant. That gave me a lot to digest.

For an overview of the various writing projects I am involved with, please see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. My latest book Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat is available from the website http://www.Xlibris.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

QUESTIONS FOR THE DOCTORS, AT LAST I'M POSTING TO MIND CHECK AGAIN

The best evidence of how I have been doing since my bone marrow transplant of July 2008 is how long it has taken me to post a new contribution to Mind Check. The bone marrow transplant at Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem NC was July 8, and I have passed the three month anniversary. Look how unproductive I have been.

This bothers me. I have many writing projects pending, not just blog postings, and I hate being this inefficient. What is wrong with me? No new short poems. Minimal work on a new epic poem that I undertook to write before the bone marrow transplant. No progress on the editing of the galley proofs for the second book of poetry I committed to for this year. No activity on the projects in my archives. And no new posting for Mind Check.

Morning Motivation Then Dissipation

I have to admit that lately I’m seeing some improvements in the way I feel, particularly in the mornings, but I still don’t have the reserve of energy I was used to before I undertook the procedure. I wake in the morning, and for the first few minutes of the day I’m in the midst oif a frenzy of mental activity. I'm thinking of all the projects I could be working on, but then doubt shows its awful face. I'm wondering if I will have the motivation and the drive to plunge into these bigger challenges or if I am going to fall back on activities that are easier—like checking my email—but don’t give me the sense that I am moving my life forward?

After breakfast, the guessing game has sometimes transmuted into a confrontation with hard reality: No energy. I’m ready to climb back into bed. What happened to the energy I hoped I would have in those first few minutes after waking up? Where did it go? Did I eat the wrong combination of foods for breakfast or was it something I did the night before?

Afternoon Nap

Even if I do get something done in the morning, I can count on most afternoons being a wash out. I have lunch, and I’m ready for a nap. No need to climb into bed. Just sit me down in a chair, and I’ll soon be nodding off. I do have to acknowledge that feeling tired in the afternoon is not a phenomenon peculiar to the bone marrow transplant for me, but started happening before Harriet and I had made the move to Southwest Virginia and were still living in Arlington in Northern Virginia. Maybe it’s simply a byproduct of getting older.

At night, I usually experience a renewed spurt of energy, but it’s rare that I’m motivated to put that energy into writing anything. After a half hour of meditation using the practices of Eknath Easwaran of the Blue Mountain Center for Meditation, I’m ready to be entertained. Put me in front of the TV set and I’ll happily watch someone else’s creative work on a DVD. Lately, I have to admit, it has been hard to stay away from the TV news at night what with a national election campaign going on and with the country’s economy in virtual bankruptcy, the causes concealed by financial manipulators on Wall Street.


How Am I Walking

That’s an account of the ups and downs of my energy level during the course of a day, but what about the rest of me? What about all the other side effects that I brought home with me from the hospital? How, for example, am I walking these days? Better than when I first got home from the hospital, but outside of the house I still can’t do without a cane. I have a problem with my balance on uneven surfaces, and at night if no light illuminates the ground, I am probably going to fall whether I have a cane or not. I get disoriented if I can’t see the surface that I’m walking on. My knees are stiff, and sometimes they hurt. And they don’t seem to want to do what they are supposed to do during the walking process.

Then there’s the numbness in my fingers and my feet. In the morning when you’re getting dressed, try buttoning a shirt when your finger tips are numb. It’s not easy, and some buttons and button hole combinations are still impossible for me.

Hospital Testing Results

At this point I should reveal that about a week ago I had another series of tests at Baptist Hospital and a consultation with one of the oncologists. I came away from this session feeling disappointed. But first the good news. My blood counts for the key components of blood are in the normal range or rising and approaching normal.

Now the bad news. The CAT scan showed that the cancerous lymph node is still present. It’s smaller than it’s ever been since I first started dealing with Baptist Hospital over two years ago, and it may be the least active that it’s been. Only a PET scan would reveal activity, and I’m not sure when I’ll be allowed to have another PET scan. The point is that despite all that I’ve been through—all the chemo over a several month period including the awful BCNU or Carmustine just before the bone marrow transplant itself—the node is still with me.

The Questions

What does this mean? I’ve decided to put a series of questions to the bone marrow transplant team. I meet with them again on Oct. 20, and I would certainly appreciate having some answers by then. Here are my questions for the team:

1. What does the continued presence of the cancerous lymph node, albeit smaller in size, mean? Is this latest bone marrow transplant a failure because the node is still present? Have I wasted my time having a BMT? What?

2. How long before I may expect my lymphoma to affect any of my vital organs? Since the node is in the abdominal area, are the organs of that region the most likely candidates for attack? What would the likely treatment options be—radiation, chemotherapy, surgery?

3. Are my knees likely to improve on their own? If not, would it be advisable for me to have corrective knee surgery. I am not interested in going through another painful procedure like knee replacement if my long term prospects are not too promising. Why bother?

Let’s see how I do with these questions. I am prepared for a wide range of answers including “I don’t know.” Frankly, an honest “I don’t know” would be preferable to the kind of pronouncement we hear in most dramas about cancer victims. “ Well, Mr. Saft,” says the physician in his most earnest voice, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have just six months to live.”

Whatever they say, I will try to make the most of whatever time I have left. I don’t want to spend my time mired in regret and feeling sorry for myself. I still have a lot of work to do.

For an overview of my various writing projects I am involved with, please see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. My latest book Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat is available from the website http://www.Xlibris.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

OBAMA NEEDS TO PUT HIS EMPHASIS ON THE STRUGGLING MIDDLE CLASS AND THE GROWTH OF POVERTY

The nomination of Barack Obama as president of the United States by the Democratic Party holds the promise of the breakthrough we need in this country to finally get over our long history of Jim Crow policies and attitudes. The problem for Barack Obama and for his running mate Joe Biden in the two months ahead before the election is that they probably can’t make too big a deal out of this fact, that is, if they want to win the election.

Yes, the nomination of Barack Obama is history making. The policies and attitudes of Jim Crow, that is, the portrayal of African Americans as inferior to whites and the corresponding practices focused on putting them down and keeping them down date back to the earliest days of slavery in this country.

Had Lincoln Not Been Assassinated

I often wonder if Abraham Lincoln had not been assassinated, that is, with the termination of the Civil War he had been alive to manage the initial phase of Reconstruction, if the outcome might have been different. I would like to think so. Instead the effects of Jim Crow including defacto Jim Crow in the North got steadily worse, that is, until the famous Brown Versus Board of Education case in 1954 that put an end to the notion of separate but equal in education. Then Martin Luther King and others who fought for equality and justice for all citizens in all phases of American life came to prominence.

African Americans have repeatedly made a name for themselves in sports and entertainment since the 1960s, and the hope is that as their visibility at the highest level of politics and other leadership positions becomes routine that racism, covert or overt, will no longer be a significant phenomenon of American life. The attitudes of the current generation of young people, that is, people under 40, point us in that direction.

Hillary Clinton: “Awfully Hard To Win”

Meanwhile it is Barack Obama and his wife Michele who are leading the way. That said, to truly make a difference Barack Obama has to get himself elected. Otherwise as a defeated nominee he’ll be a sentence or two in some future American history books and the promise will not be fulfilled. We’ll remember him as we remember Bob Dole or George Dukakis or Walter Mondale or John Kerry except with a tad more awe and a tad more regret as we think about what might have been—the first African American to have received a major party nomination, but, we’ll have to add, he couldn’t pull it off. He lost!

And let’s not forget what Hillary Clinton has been telling us throughout her run for the presidency. “It is awfully hard to win a general election,” she has said. Any notion that Obama will have an easy time achieving victory has to be put out of mind immediately.

Shift Focus To The Poor, White or Black

How does he avoid that fate? How does he go from nominee to the next president of the United States? How does he get himself elected? Peter Beinart, senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations, as published in a recent issue of The Washington Post (The Washington Post National Weekly Edition, August 18-24, 2008, page 30) makes the point that if race becomes too strong an issue in the Obama-McCain campaign—and that is already threatening to happen--it will not work in Obama’s favor.

On the other hand, he says, too much has already been made of race in this campaign for Obama to pretend that it is playing no role in voters’ decisions. Rather Beinart argues that Obama “needs to control the race debate instead.”

Take On Sensitive Affirmative Action Issue

How does he do that? By switching the debate from race to class, that’s how, says Peter Beinart. By taking on the sensitive issue of affirmative action and even acknowledging that the benefits of affirmative action are no longer necessary for upper middle class and upper class blacks—at the same time, by switching the focus to the poor, and I need to add, by putting the spotlight on the struggling middle class.

This is how Beinart puts it. “Over the decades, racial preferences have played a vital role in creating a black middle class, but that middle class is now large and self-perpetuating. It is the multi-generational poor---whether urban and black or Appalachian and white—who truly need a boost today. And that’s what Obama himself seems to believe.”

Too Much Poverty

The immense challenge, however, is whether Obama and Biden can get this point across to working class or blue color white families in the key border states of Pennsylvania, Ohio, West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee and parts of western Virginia so that they’ll overlook the race issue and other negative attitudes long entrenched in some of their communities and cast their vote for him? If he can’t get enough of their votes, he is not likely to win. That’s what John Kerry found out in 2004.

There is no doubt that right now we are watching history being made in this country, but Obama and Biden can’t spend too much time talking about it. They’ll have to leave that job to the commentators from our ubiquitous media and to the historians in their books. The job of Obama and Biden is winning an election. The middle class of all races and ethnic backgrounds in this country are struggling right now. The income spread between rich and poor is widening at an enormous rate, and we have far too much poverty for a nation that is supposed to be rich. That’s where the emphasis has got to be.

Thanks for tuning into Mind Check. For a look at my other writing, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. Please note that my latest book, Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, is now available. You’ll learn more about it at the sasaftwrites website.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY, SOME THOUGHTS ON MY LATEST BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT

“Oh you’re taking the pro-active approach.” That’s how one of my nurses reacted during my recent stay at Wake Forest University Baptist Hospital when I discussed with her why I was doing a bone marrow transplant and what I hoped to get out of it. Her reaction was more meaningful than most since not only was she a health care worker toiling in the field of the blood cancers, but, as I later learned, her own husband was a victim of multiple myeloma.

Yes, I did opt for the pro active approach, meaning that I may not have been in imminent danger from the bad lymph node in my abdomen, but I chose to do something about it anyway. And what an ordeal it has been. Even toward the end I was still wondering if it had all been worth it. Should I have chosen instead to let nature take its course and see if my olive size lymphatic tumor would metastasize into an attack of all my internal organs? As it is, I have no absolute knowledge of how well the procedure worked. Is the cancerous tumor still there after all I’ve been through—the awful BCNU or Carmustine, bad kidney reaction, etc.—or not?

Walking Problems

At this writing, I’ve been home for two weeks, and I’m starting to see genuine recovery. I’m still walking a bit like Frankenstein’s monster, but at least a cane is required only when I’m on rough terrain outside. I’m still suffering from mouth sores, a chemotherapy byproduct, which can make eating a chore and contribute to the fact that many foods I used to like taste awful, and my energy level varies and is often below par. In addition, I’m functioning at about 10 degrees colder than anyone else. It’s summer time here in the mountains, and while everyone else is feeling just right or maybe too warm, I’ve been cold most of the time. It’s 85 degrees outside, and I’m the one wearing the sweat shirt.

On the other hand, my white blood count is now in the normal range, and I’m hoping my other major blood components—hemoglobin and platelets—will soon start to rise as well. Also my kidney function has returned to normal. The reader will remember that kidney malfunction was the unpleasant complication that forced an extended hospital stay of over a week. It also was the principal cause of my legs and feet ballooning out from 15 pounds and more of water weight and causing me walking complications from which I am only starting to recover.

Extra Eight Days

As it was, I ended up being a resident of Room 909 North at Wake Forest University Baptist Hospital from July 1 to July 29—29 days. A time span of 21 days had been the most optimistic prediction for the length of time of my transplant. I went eight days over that estimate.

Some friends ask me to compare my experience at Baptist with my experience at Johns Hopkins where I had my first transplant in 2002. The quick answer is that any comparison is unfair since I would be attempting to compare practices at one institution six years ago with practices today. A friend of mine in high school named Parker Reis had a favorite expression which he repeated all the time, “Comparisons are odious.” Yes, comparisons are odious and sometimes they are not fair, but we love them just the same.

Record Keeping and Sharing

Hopkins, for example, had a focus of accommodating the needs of the out-of-town patient and family whereas this is not a high priority with Baptist which serves more of a local population. However, since Harriet and I live an hour and a half away from Baptist we would have appreciated more help with respect to our distance needs.

Then there is the question of record keeping and record sharing. On this issue, Baptist shows a clear advantage. Baptist buries you in paper. Is this because we now enjoy the benefit of 2008 computer technology versus the computer technology of 2002? Could be, but Hopkins was definitely not noteworthy in 2002 for the availability of information on what was going on with me and making that information available to me.

Baptist uses a team approach with respect to the physicians and senior nurses (physician assistants and nurse practitioners) following your case. This means that there is almost always more than one person who can talk to you about what is going on with you and the decisions being made about you.

Baptist And Catheter Care

I am also quite impressed with the way Baptist does its catheter care. At Hopkins, my Hickman catheter became infected and had to be removed in the middle of my Hopkins transplant, a very traumatic experience that included a near death experience in the middle of one very bad night. Under the care of the Baptist staff, my Hickman functioned perfectly right up to its removal by the same people who put it in in the Radiology Department.

One reason, maybe the main reason, that I had no trouble with my Hickman this time around has to do, I believe, with the existence of a Catheter Care team at Baptist. These are specially trained nurses who do nothing but look after the catheters that have been placed in patients including drawing blood from them throughout the patient’s stay.

Okay, that’s my comparison. As my wife keeps reminding me, maybe Johns Hopkins wasn’t perfect, but I got five years of remission out of the bone marrow transplant that Hopkins performed on me. How much remission time am I going to get from the bone marrow transplant from Wake Forest University Baptist Hospital?

True, that’s the ultimate comparison. Thanks for tuning into Mind Check and thanks for putting up with the spotty postings over the last two months. Now that I am on the road to recovery, I will make every effort to return to a more frequent posting schedule. To see an overview of my career as a writer including information on my new book, Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

LYMPHOMA, HOW DID I GET IT? HOW ABOUT FROM KISSING?

The year was 1957. It was the spring. The drama club of Atlantic City High School had just completed its successful production of Oliver Goldsmith’s “She Stoops To Conquer.” As a performer and a high school senior with a major role in the production—I played the father, Squire Hardcastle—I was a very happy young man. At the cast party the night of the final performance, it took no coaxing to get me to demonstrate my exuberance. I kissed every girl at the party full on the lips and some many more than once.

A day or so later, I didn’t feel well when I got up in the morning. My neck was stiff, the glands in my neck were swollen, and I think I was running a slight fever. I had already gone through my high school graduation by this time, a graduation ceremony at which I was the class speaker, and I was already back at work at my regular summer job as an assistant manager of the refreshment stands on Steel Pier.

Symptoms Disappear

The reader will forgive me, I hope, if I have the sequence of events a little confused. All that I can be sure of all these years later is that I played Squire Hardcastle in “She Stoops To Conquer,” that I kissed a lot of young women classmates at the cast party, and that I was sick shortly after. I can’t even remember if I went to a doctor at the time. I do remember that I was aware of the disease mononucleosis, not uncommon among young people even then, and that I even feared I might have it.

Perhaps a day later, my symptoms disappeared. No more stiff neck. No more swollen glands. No more slight fever. I could put this little health crisis behind me and go on with my life.

Now let’s skip ahead 51 years. I’m sitting in the waiting room of a clinic in Mount Airy, North Carolina, a clinic that is part of the Wake Forest University Baptist Hospital Cancer Center. The Mount Airy clinic, about three-quarters of an hour north of Baptist Hospital off of Route 52 and about three quarters of an hour south of where I live in the mountains of southwest Virginia, is one of the places I’ve been going to to get my blood counts checked, catheters looked at, and other services in between stays at the hospital for chemotherapy and other procedures. As I waited to be called by a nurse, I took note on the waiting room bookshelf of a book with the following title: 100 Questions And Answers About Lymphoma by Peter Holman, MD, Jodi Garrett, RN, and William Jansen (Jones and Bartlett Publishers, Sudbury, Massachusetts).

Bring Book Home

Although I felt that by then I knew a lot about this disease that afflicts me and with which I long have battled, I also knew that I did not know everything. Far from it. When I left the clinic that afternoon, I had the receptionist’s permission to take the book with me. Once home, wife Harriet and I began reading. I found much new information in the book, and—yes—much that I already knew. Then I read something I didn’t know before, read it and found that it triggered the strong response of recognition. For years, I had been asking myself, How did I get this disease? It’s been an obsession of mine just as trying to fathom how I got the thyroid cancer that afflicted me in 1966 has been an obsession. Suddenly I thought I had the answer.

On page 26, after a section on AIDS as a possible cause of lymphoma, was the following: “Another virus that may cause lymphoma is the Epstein-Barr virus, which infects many people without causing illness and is the cause of infectious mononucleosis (popularly know[n] as ‘glandular fever’ or ‘mono’ and often called the ‘kissing disease,’ as it is common among adolescents and is spread through saliva).”

Is Kissing Disease Cause?

Could the kissing disease be the cause of my lymphoma? I now think that it is the leading candidate. In fact, I now see it as the likely cause of my thyroid cancer as well. The thyroid cancer was cured through surgery and through the taking of thyroid hormone in pill form at far higher levels than would be called for simply for hormone replacement.

Now that I think I have a cause for the lymphoma, will it have any effect on how I am treated? Not in the least. I will discuss this question with my oncologist, but I believe that the virus stayed in my body just long enough to cause various genetic cancer-causing defects and then was gone.

Ordeal Continues

So where am I in my treatment? Aren’t I finished with all of this by now? No way. It’s not by accident that I have been referring to what I am going through as “an ordeal.” Since I last wrote on the subject, I have had another cycle of chemotherapy, I have had a CAT scan, and I have also had many injections of a product called Neupogen, which is also referred to as “growth factor.” I have also had my stem cells harvested in a process called apheresis or the separation of the blood into its various components in a remarkable machine.

The purpose of all the Neupogen injections was to force my blood system to produce a high rate of stem cells or immature blood cells. These immature blood cells can grow to become white blood cells, red blood cells or hemoglobin, platelets or clotting factor, or other blood components. In other words, a whole new blood system can be regenerated from these stem cells, which is exactly the purpose of a bone marrow transplant. Out with the old and in with the new!

Stem Cells in Deep Freeze

Right now the stem cells of mine that were collected through apheresis are in the deep freeze at the Baptist Hospital Cancer Center. Once I am cleared for the bone marrow transplant, I’ll go through some procedures which I hope to describe in some upcoming postings. Then my stem cells will be thawed and put back in me. The hope is that the resulting new blood system will be resistant to a relapse of lymphoma for as long as possible. As I’ve previously indicated in my postings, the current state of the art in medical science cannot cure me of the form of lymphoma that I have, known as Mantle Cell B Lymphoma. It can only prolong my life. As a lover of life, I’ll take the extra days, weeks, months, years—whatever it can do for me.

Just yesterday I had still more tests—a PET scan, a lung or breathing test, and the dreaded bone marrow biopsy. I was wondering when I would be forced to have the latter, which I have described in a previous posting as akin to torture. Recently a friend of ours had a bone marrow biopsy in a doctor’s office. She described the test as not nearly as bad as we had warned her it would be. How does one account for the difference in experience? Can it simply be explained by the fact that I am the world’s biggest sissy—anyway the tallest?

The physician assistant who performed the procedure on me confirmed what I have long suspected. I have very hard bones—in fact, very very hard bones, the result perhaps of heredity and from having taken very high doses of vitamin D every day for many years to promote the absorption of calcium. An unfortunate side effect of the thyroidectomy I had 42 years ago is that I do not have a functioning parathyroid. Hence every week I need a certain amount of oral Vitamin D to help my body absorb and process calcium. At one time and for a long time, I took a high dosage of Vitamin D every day of my life.

Titanium Bones That’s Me

The unlucky young woman who performed the bone marrow biopsy on me yesterday, who happened to be several months’ pregnant, started calling me “titanium bones” about half way through the procedure. She was struggling to get her instruments to penetrate my hip bone, and I began to feel sorry for her, that is, when I wasn’t in agony from the pain she was causing me.

Why does the difficult, very painful procedure have to be performed on us lymphoma sufferers and other victims of the blood cancers? Because our oncologists need to know what is going on in our hip bone marrow both before and after bone marrow transplant. As adults, the hip bone is where almost all of our blood system is generated. When my harvested stem cells, now in the deep freeze, are put back in me, it is in the hip that they must take up residence and start to regenerate an entire new blood system.

PET Scan Results

By the way what did the latest scan—the PET—show? Am I in complete remission? No, the little cancerous lymph node in my mesentery just doesn’t want to go away. That’s one of the problems with being a relapsed patient. Our cancers learn how to put up quite a fight against the measures taken to get rid of them. On the other hand, because this was a PET scan, a nuclear medicine technique that measures not just structures but also processes, I did get quite encouraging information on just how active the little killer is at this point. Its activity has gone down by half--such encouraging news that I am now cleared to proceed with the main event, the bone marrow transplant.

The next time I do a posting to Mind Check I’ll probably be writing from the bone marrow transplant ward of Baptist Hospital. When I feel up to it, I’ll be letting everyone know how I’m doing as I go through the challenging and sometimes life-threatening procedure. It all starts for me on Tuesday, July 1. Good luck to me. I hope you all have a happy July 4th. You all know where I’ll be on the 4th.

To see other examples of my writing, see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com. If all goes well, the first of the two books I hope to publish this year will soon be off press. Full title of this first one is Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, An Epic For Our Time.

Murdoch McLoon is an on-demand book. This means that when you order it, as I hope you will, the publishing service, which is called Xlibris, prints a copy especially for you and then ships it to you. By the way Murdoch McLoon is a story poem with the theme of one of the major issues of our day. It was written to be light-hearted and even funny in parts and gripping in still others, and I think it will be easily understood and enjoyed by everyone. To order Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, call 1-888-795-4274, or see the website http://www.Xlibris.com, or send an e-mail to Orders@Xlibris.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

POETRY CAN PLAY A VITAL ROLE IN MAKING OUR WORLD BETTER, SAYS POET IN PREFACE TO NEW BOOK

The following essay was written to serve as the preface for a new book of poetry entitled City Above the Sea And Other Poems that I expect to publish this year. It is one of two books of poetry of mine that I anticipate will be coming out this year. The other, which will appear first, is entitled Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat. Both books will be available via on-demand Internet publishing later this year from Xlibris at the Xlibris bookstore and its affiliates: http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore.

The 34 poems that compose City Above The Seas And Other Poems were written over many years, in fact, just after publication of my first book of poetry, I Will Mean (Meanings Press, Camden ME, 1975) and well into our new century, a period of about 30 years. In fact, the earliest of these poems were written about the same time as Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, first written in 1975 and subsequently revised in 2005 and published earlier this year.

Both Rhyming And Non Rhyming Pieces

These 34 poems are a mixture of rhyming and non rhyming pieces and some of them were presented to a live audience to the accompaniment of a jazz band at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in downtown Washington DC. In terms of subject matter, they may be described as autobiographical, philosophical, political, social, or visionary—or, in the broad sense—religious. They may also be described as embodying my concept of how poetry may be written—as highly expressive, declarative, exhortative, and prophetic, as well as the basis of dramatic narrative, as in Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat.

They embody my conviction that good poetry does not have to be plaintive and full of personal angst or always striving for clever allusion or having to turn back upon itself.

Beat Movement Extols Declarations

With the advent of the beat movement in the 1950s, poetry seemed to be moving toward a more declarative approach. This was an exciting time for poetry and for me as a young man just getting through high school and college. Poets such as Allen Ginsberg and Lawrence Ferlinghetti created great excitement and were often highly political and specifically left wing. Unfortunately, as the fire of the Beat Movement began to fade so too did the spark that these poets brought to the form itself. It was this flame that I sought to keep alive in I Will Mean in 1975 without having to resort to the political and economic extremism of the left.

In a poem like “Solomon Bricker,” which is included in this volume, I attempted to depict a middle class or “bourgeois” hero, namely my maternal grandfather and to attempt to present his virtues without exaggeration. It was my grandfather’s quiet triumph that, while facing the range of challenges of daily life he was able to start small businesses and to work to make them a success against a backdrop of the cycles of business upturns and downturns.

Not Immune To Fade Ideas

Interestingly, my grandfather was not unmindful of the political and economic currents of his time and while fulfilling the role of a usually successful middle class business manager and shop keeper would occasionally succumb to the fantasies of socialism that were so prevalent at the time. This after all was the period of the rise and seeming success of the Soviet Union, a delusion that would become clear under Mikel Gorbachev.

As I assert previously, it was the best of what I saw in the Beat poetry movement as well as the best of poetry in general that I was striving to give life to in I Will Mean, my first book of poetry—the idea that poetry could tell us what to do and how to live without having us tear down the middle class for being so…well, so middle class. For me, I will admit it, the best poetry has always been close to religion. I believe that and will take that belief with me to whatever comes after this world, if anything, for me.

Role Models Are The Greats

My role models have been a wide range of the greats of poetry in English such as John Milton, William Wordsworth, John Keats, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Robert Browning, William Butler Yeats, Robert Frost, and many many others. Most of them were practitioners of the art before the curse of modernism set in with the work of its most famous or infamous practitioners, namely Ezra Pound and T.S. Eliot. The greats, specifically those who practiced in the 19th century such as Emily Dickinson, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Robert Browning and Walt Whitman, managed to avoid the excessive and silly personifications of Victorianism, such as are found far too frequently in the works of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The curse of modernism, as I call it, from which I continue to struggle to extricate poetry to this day, carried with it several assumptions. The first was that the poet could say anything he wanted no matter how wrongheaded and disgracefully immoral so long as he said it with conviction and in the name of the art of poetry. Hence Ezra Pound, the antisemite, traitor to the United States, devotee of dubious economic theories and upholder of the insidious philosophy of fascism—and this was during World War II, no less—was awarded the Bollingen Prize for Poetry in 1949.

Obscurity Upheld As Virtue

A second conviction is that obscurity in poetry is a value to be cherished and the more layers of scholarship and research, as well as the more layers of allusions that a poetical work is overweighted with the better. For this dubious feature of modern poetry we once again have Ezra Pound as well as others to credit. During his lifetime Pound was credited with the breadth of his scholarship as reflected in his poetical work, which embodies his admiration for various pogroms, witch hunts, slaughter of the innocent, and other examples of humanity at its worse.

Inevitably the two books I have the privilege of coming out with this year will be looked at for their similarities as well as their contrasts. The most obvious similarity is in the belief in technology and the hope for the future because of it that is a strong interest of mine and which I have been motivated to put in works like Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat and City Above The Sea And Other Poems. I can’t say exactly where this belief and this hope come from other than to attribute them to the work of a mysterious universal spirit. In the last stanza of one of the short poems in City Above The Sea And Other Poems, entitled “Say There Is Beauty,” I say the following:

Invention, discovery, outrageously creative act.
The new begets a resonance,
the new clatters through space.

The new such as the concept of the computer and the concept of the Internet and the promises of the space age have the power to change our whole universe of experience, and they have. They give us hope that humankind will solve other problems that confront us such as the ill effects of global warming. It is my belief that poetry can play a central role in giving energy to the idealism that is embodied in this belief. We must believe that we can solve our problems, that we are not hapless victims. We must believe that we can make our world better. We must believe that poetry has an important role in making our world better.

For more examples of the writing of Stephen Alan Saft, please see the comprehensive site http://www.sasaftwrites.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

FEAR OF ASSASSINATION RISING IN THE NATION. MAXIMUM PROTECTION OF CANDIDATES IS NECSSARY

It is good that the subject of assassinations has become part of public discourse in the United States during the current run for the presidency. It is a painful subject, but it does no good to sweep it under the carpet. Especially now!

The ugly remark, claimed to be a joke, made by former Governor Mike Huckabee at a recent meeting of the National Rifle Association when he referred to a loud noise from behind a curtain as the sound of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama getting shot calls into question his fitness to ever serve in public office ever again, but it filled a very useful purpose.

Friends Express Fear

The fear that the first African American ever to win the nomination for President of one of our major political parties could get shot is growing. (At this writing, Barack Obama is the likely nominee, but not the certain nominee.) I’ve heard that fear from some of my friends—an unsolicited fear, I have to add—but it’s a fear that also has been growing in me as Barack Obama has edged ever closer to the Democratic Party’s nomination.

Senator Hillary Clinton’s recent remarks reminding the public that Robert Kennedy was assassinated in a California hotel in June 1968 as he was close to the Democratic nomination for President was viewed as a too shocking reminder by some, especially in light of the recent news about the health crisis of Senator Ted Kennedy, Robert Kennedy’s brother, but Senator Clinton should not have apologized.

Senator Clinton, Don’t Apologize

What Senator Clinton was saying was that she felt she should stay in the race for the Democratic Part nomination for President to the very end of the process because we can never tell what’s going to happen in the political arena in this county. Unfortunately, the sour note that Senator Clinton was sounding has been justified by historical fact on a number of occasions in this country. Gun violence has intruded its ugly self in our political affairs.

Having lived through the assassinations of the 1960s, I know that fear of assassination is no flight of fancy. I do fear that people are at work in this country today who would resort to the use of gun violence to achieve their ends, thus subverting the will of the people, just as such people were at work in the 1960s. Some might argue that the 1960s were a different period of time than the first decade of the 21st century, but are they really?

FBI

Look at what happened at Virginia Tech a year ago. Look at the Columbine tragedy and so many other examples of gun violence in our universities and schools. It is true that in the 1960s, the chief police agency in this country, namely the Federal Bureau of Investigation, was run by a racist who had been completely comprised by organized crime. That person was J. Edgar Hoover, in my opinion one of the worst human beings ever to have infested himself in an important administrative position in government in any country.

Because the nation had the misfortune to have had a thoroughly corrupted J. Edgar Hoover in a senior position in law enforcement in this country, the assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Robert F. Kennedy took place. Yes, I believe that, have long believed it, and do not see myself ever changing that opinion. The true perpetrators knew that a full and fair investigation of each of these events would not happen, that thus their roles in these events would never be found out. The bizarre coincidence of three assassinations in one decade, each supposedly unrelated to the other, is simply too pat to be believed. How can anyone of good sense ever subscribe to such an opinion?

Say These Things Now

By saying these things now it is my hope that we can alert those people whose job it is to protect our politicians and others in prominent positions that they must be ever vigilant in the days, months and years ahead. Violence must never be the way that decisions are made in this country ever again. A democracy where the gun is the maker of decisions is not a democracy that any person of decent values can and should want.

Having said that, I want to add my voice to that of Senator Diane Feinstein, Democrat of California. In the current struggle for the nomination of President of the Democratic Party, my first choice has been Hillary Clinton. My second choice has been Barack Obama. These have been my choices since the first televised debate was held, and over the course of the primaries I have given money to both of these candidates. I was strongly drawn to Barack’s message of change, but I felt that Hillary’s message that she was the most experienced to lead this nation was the most compelling.

Democrats Come Together

The time has now arrived for the Democratic Party to come together and give us the strongest possible ticket for November. Given Barack’s lead in delegates at this writing, I believe that that ticket would be Barack Obama for President and Hillary Clinton for Vice President. Let us have both these fine candidates together on the same ticket. Let us have the strength of both to give us the strongest possible combination in November.

For more examples of the writing of Stephen Alan Saft and for news on his upcoming publications, please see the comprehensive site http://www.sasaftwrites.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

GLOBAL FOOD CRISIS CASTS DOUBT ON ETHANOL AS AN ANSWER TO OIL DEPENDENCY. NUCLEAR POWERED CAR ANYONE?

Maybe giving over so much of this country’s corn production to the production of ethanol as a way to ease this country’s dependence on foreign oil wasn‘t such a good idea. That’s not just my conclusion, but that of a whole lot of other people who care about the global food crisis as well as the oil dependency and global warming issues.

Global food crisis? What global food crisis? An article in a recent issue of The Washington Post by Anthony Faola and entitled “The Economics of Hunger” describes it in brutal detail (National Weekly Edition, May 5-11, 2008, page 6 and following). “The food price shock now roiling world markets is destabilizing governments, igniting street riots and threatening to send a new wave of hunger rippling through the world’s poorest nations,” says Faola. “It is outpacing even the Soviet grain emergency of 1972-75 when world food prices rose 78 percent. By comparison, from the beginning of 2005 to early 2008, prices leapt 80 percent, according to the United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization.”

Oil Prices Main Culprit

The soaring price of oil is the principal cause of rising food prices, that is, the soaring price of transporting the food from the growers to the people who need it, Faola makes clear. The role of traders and speculators also figures prominently in the crisis, but the drive to use some of the corn production in the United States for ethanol to power our cars and other vehicles is another important ingredient in the crisis.

“This year,” says Faola, “at least a fifth and perhaps a quarter of the U.S. corn crop will be fed to ethanol plants. As food and fuel fuse, it has presented a boon to American farmers after years of stable prices. But it has also helped spark the broader food-price shock.”

Ethanol Crisis Factor

Faola then quotes from a professor at Iowa State University. “'If you didn’t have ethanol, you would not have the prices we have today,’ says Bruce Babcock, a professor of economics and the director of the Center for Agricultural and Rural Development at Iowa State University. ‘It doesn’t mean it’s the sole driver. Prices would be higher than we saw earlier in the decade because world grain supplies are tighter now than earlier in the decade. But we’ve introduced a new demand into the market.’”

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m not a farmer, and so what I’m feeling right now as someone who also cares about the global warming issue is not disappointment at the news that ethanol does not appear to be the answer to the oil crisis. The combustion of ethanol releases just as much carbon dioxide into the atmosphere as the combustion of a hydrocarbon like oil in the form of gasoline or diesel fuel. Ethanol has never been a solution to the global warming problem.

That said, the oil crisis still cries out for a solution. It cries out for a solution not just because for each of us in this country it has made going to the gasoline station to fill up the car a painful experience and not just because it has already driven many middle class and even less well off families into crisis. It cries out for a solution because, as we have seen, it is having such a devastating effect on the world food situation. People are starving in various parts of the world because of the escalation in fuel prices.

More Railroads Needed

What can we do to ease the burden of escalating fuel costs? We can put more pressure on those in government and on the makers of our cars to accelerate the development of more fuel efficient vehicles. We can demand an acceleration in the availability of hybrids and all electric cars. We can push for a revival of the more energy efficient railroads as the long-haul domestic carrier of choice for our agricultural produce and our manufactured goods.

We can demand that instead of widening our interstate highways yet again, especially those known for their seemingly endless truck traffic, that our rail carriers be encouraged to lay new track beds beside them. There are too many fuel guzzling trucks on our highways. For long hauls, rail makes far more sense as the carrier of choice. Okay, lets support the rebirth of the railroad, but let’s not be naïve about it.

Rail Runs On Coal

Our existing railroads today are principally run on electricity, and most of that electricity comes from coal-fired generating plants. The coal industry has proposed the building of coal fired generating facilities that release no carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and thus do not contribute to global warming. I say let them build some of these zero carbon dioxide emission facilities to prove that the concept works and then lets start weaning ourselves off of a dependency on coal.

What, not even coal? How many mountains do we need to reduce to a wasteland of rubble to convince ourselves that coal mining is no longer an acceptable method to supply our energy needs? We’ve done enough to ruin this precious planet of ours in the name of meeting our energy needs. Now it’s time to stop. It’s time for us to start restoring as much as possible of what we’ve destroyed. Those who come after us speaking to us today are demanding that of us. Anyway in my mind they are. The destruction of our mountains must stop.

Wind Power Or Nuclear?

Where is this line of reasoning leading me? How will we meet the needs for energy in the future if we have neither oil and its relative natural gas and coal? In a posting several months ago I provided some answers when I directed attention to alternative sources of energy such as wind power. In that posting I also indicated my support for nuclear power.

Since that posting I have modified my thinking somewhat. I now no longer believe that alternative forms of energy such as wind power and solar can meet more than a small part of our needs. For example, it is starting to become clear that the building of wind farms is going to be a victim of the not-in-my-backyard syndrome. Those claiming to be the most passionate supporters of alternative sources of energy often become the most resistant opponents when they’re told that someone wants to put a wind farm in the middle of some landscape they hold sacred.

France Showing The Way

Nuclear power plants suffer from an even worse stigma. In fact, the resistance to nuclear power plants remains very high in this country because of safety concerns, whether well founded or not. On the other hand, nuclear plants are far more efficient producers of electric power than wind farms and other alternative forms will ever be. Yes, I do favor nuclear power, and I do see it as the answer, at least in the long run, to our current energy problems. In this respect, France is showing the way on the direction we must take in this country. And while I’m at it, let me take the issue several steps further.

I believe that someday someone will build and demonstrate a small nuclear powered engine suitable for running a bus, truck, airplane or car. This small engine will use its nuclear component solely to generate heat. The heat in turn will be directly converted to electricity to run an electric motor. Sound far fetched? In fact, the direct conversion of heat to electricity has already been demonstrated, but I must admit that a small, well protected nuclear heat generator such as one that could be safely installed in a car does not yet exist. Anyway to best of my knowledge it does not exist.

In future postings as well as in my other writings, I hope to have more to say about the concept of the small nuclear powered engine. For other examples of my writing, please see the website http://www.sasaftwrites.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

SWITCH TO STRONGER CHEMICALS GIVES HOPE THAT REMISSION WILL BE ACHIEVED SOON

A six-day hospital stay interrupted my writing schedule, and so I have a lot of catching up to do. On April 10, I made my appearance at Wake Forest University Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem, North Carolina with wife Harriet at my side. I was there for a CAT scan to determine how well the treatment with the chemotherapy regimen called ICE had done in reducing the cancerous lymph node in my abdomen to zero, an important requirement in order to proceed with the intended bone marrow transplant.

Unfortunately, the night before I’d been hit with a stomach ache, possibly the result of indulging too much at a birthday celebration at a Winston-Salem restaurant. I’d let the staff at the Comprehensive Cancer Center know about the stomach ache when I arrived. My oncologist proceeded with the CAT scan, but she decided not to go ahead with any chemotherapy. Even though the pain had vanished at the time of the CAT scan, I was told to go home, but first she gave me the results of the CAT scan.

Lymph Node Shrinks

The lymph node was down in size by a third. ICE had been successful for me, but it wasn’t successful enough. Two-thirds of the little thing still remained. My oncologist let me know that when chemotherapy resumed she wanted to use an even stronger formulation, in fact, the strongest formulation currently available for lymphoma. And what about the stomach ache? Might the CAT scan reveal what had caused it?

It did. Anyway it gave large clues as to what might have caused it. The CAT scan revealed that the probable cause of the pain I had experienced the night before was a gallbladder flare up. I was to go home for a week and see if the gallbladder behaved itself or if the problems from it, not just pain, but also nausea or fever showed themselves. If I had any of these three, I was to come back to the hospital immediately and be admitted right away.

Gallbladder Diet

Harriet and I decided to keep the gallbladder in check with diet—a diet of substantially reduced saturated fats and also a diet rich in vegetables such as beets, celery, cucumbers, green beans and other items we found listed on very helpful websites. The gallbladder caused no trouble, and I was able to come back to the hospital pain, nausea and fever free at the newly scheduled time—that is, starting on April 17.

The session on April 17 started with an echo cardiogram to make sure my heart could take the new stronger regimen. Immediately after that, I had an ultrasound of the area of the abdomen where the gallbladder resides. A blood test came next, and then I met with Denise Levitan, my oncologist. Finally I was admitted for what would be my longest stay yet at WFU Baptist, six days of intensive chemotherapy.

Hello R-EPOCH

And what is this strongest formulation yet? It’s my old “friend” CHOP from 2002 or rather R-CHOP—“R” for Rituxan—with modifications to make it even more intensive. This latest version is known as EPOCH, but it might well be called R-EPOCH. Rituxan is still part of the mix as is Etoposide from ICE. From CHOP comes the wonderful sounding mix of Doxorubicin (also known as Adriamycin), Vincristine Sulfate (also known as Oncovin), and Cyclophosphamide (also known as Cytoxan).

Taken orally, rather than through transfusion, is the final and very important part of the group, the steroid Prednisone. It is the job of Prednisone to build you back up from the beating that the infused chemicals mete out on the body. I’m repeating myself from past postings, but remember that the chemicals of chemotherapy have the job of killing cancer rather than building up what might already be strong and healthy in the body. One problem is that they kill much more than that which needs killing.

Called An Ordeal

How did it go? These consecutive days of chemotherapy at the hospital—six in this case--can only be described as an ordeal. They are tough, and it would be inaccurate of me to gloss over them and make them sound more pleasant than they are. On the other hand, I do have to state that I have been consistently impressed with the staff of WFU Baptist. These are highly trained, dedicated and compassionate people. No blame is due to the perpetrators and administrators.

During my six days in the hospital as in my previous stays, I never felt neglected or ignored. At those rare times when the nurse and aid assigned to me were not available to answer my call, there was always a back-up person to come running. And, I have to add, the Baptist staff strikes me as committed to the concept of total care. These are warm people who constantly show concern for their patients, not bureaucrats constrained to business-like interactions.

Family Sleep-Overs Accepted

Baptist is also quite accepting about allowing a family member to stay overnight with the patient in the patient’s room. This is the situation with its cancer patients, in any case.

In the category of “ordeal” are several items. First having to get stuck so much for the drawing of blood and the establishing of IV’s. During my recent stay I underwent minor surgery to reduce the number of times I’ll have to get stuck in the future, that is, the installation of what is called a portocath or portable catheter in my chest. In addition to reducing the number of sticks, the portocath provides a central line hooked to a main artery of the body to minimize the danger of artery damage. The infusion of strong chemo like R-EPOCH can blow out small veins such as those in the arms.

Tied to Infusion Tree

Then there is the annoyance of being hooked up to an infusion tree. Everywhere you go—to the bathroom, for a walk in the halls—the tree with its very sophisticated electronic pumps goes with you. It is your constant companion. Fortunately, there are wheels at the bottom of the tree, but the thing is often unwieldy and you have to be very careful not to trip over it.

Another part of the ordeal is simply being in the hospital. That probably sounds like a contradiction after what I said about how good the staff at Baptist is. The good and the bad intertwined—that is so often the nature of life, right? When you are in the hospital, you are constrained. You are confined. You are forced to adhere to other people’s schedules and to do what other people think you ought to do when they think you ought to do it.

Prefer Writing, Walks

Frankly, I’d rather be sitting in front of my computer and composing a poem or a blog posting. I’d rather be listening to the birds sing as I walk with our Portuguese Water Dog Cassie Rose by a beautiful mountain stream and vicariously experience with her the pleasure she gets out of being able to dash in and out of the water at will.

Then there are all the changes that chemotherapy does to the body, which I’ve written about before—the hair loss, the nausea, the appetite changes, the fatigue, the occasional feelings of ineptness and stupidity. Not great.

What happens next? In about two weeks I’m back to Baptist for more R-EPOCH. I’ll have another CAT Scan, and then we’ll see. If I’m finally in remission, it’s full speed ahead to the bone marrow transplant. Anyway I hope that is what is in store for me. I’m anxious to get this episode in my life over and done with.

To see a sampling of the writings of this author, see the website at http://www.sasaftwrites.com.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft

HOW IS MY HEALTH? NOT BAD AND OTHER GOOD NEWS

Two subjects for this posting: First a status report on my health and second an exciting announcement.

First of all, how is my health? Another and better way to phrase that question is: How am I feeling? Answer: I am feeling very well, thank you, and I am as surprised as anyone that I can say that. The reader may recall from two postings ago that with the failure of my treatment with Velcade I was about to undergo a different chemotherapy treatment regimen, this time with a four-drug cocktail known as either “Cold Ice” or “Bold Ice.” (Sorry to report that I haven’t yet solved this acronym naming dilemma, that is, what acronym to use for the combination of Ifosfamide, Carboplatin, and Etoposide, also known as VP-16, and Rituxan.)

This four drug cocktail is administered round-the-clock in the hospital and in my case took place over three days. So far I have had two separate treatment sessions. When I call this treatment regimen a “four-drug cocktail,” I am taking certain liberties. I am thinking of only the chemicals that have the job of directly attacking the cancer—Mantle Cell Lymphoma (MCL), in my case. Chemicals in addition to the big four are infused in the hospital. These chemicals have the job of protecting the kidneys and preventing nausea, among other jobs.

In Chemotherapy, Kidneys Important

Protecting the kidneys is very important in Bold Ice (or Cold Ice) infusion. In an infusion procedure, it is the kidneys that have the job of removing the saline that is a component of chemotherapy solutions and leaving the chemicals in the body, specifically in the blood stream, that have the job of working on the cancer.

When I say that I am feeling well, I am commenting on the combination of attitude, energy level, and experiences of pain and discomfort that I think of as the measure in total of that sense of being alive that I am calling “the life force.” No, I am not feeling perfect, and certainly two separate three-day chemotherapy sessions in the hospital have had negative effects, one of which is quite obvious.

The amount of hair on my body including on the top of my head is drastically reduced. In addition, my experience with food is altered. Related to a change in food interests is the intermittent battling with feelings of nausea and digestion issues, none of which has been severe so far.

Bring on Baked Beans

Chinese food, for example, now has no taste for me, and I have lost my interest in it. I do hope that my tastes for these foods will return, as they used to be part of my regular diet. On the other hand, foods that I have previously had only a mild interest in have drastically increased in appeal. At the top of this list is baked beans. I now love this product including the low-fat type. For me, baked beans have become a very soothing food and even a nausea-quelling staple.

Most gratifying for me is the fact that my energy-level has so far been only mildly impacted by the chemotherapy. Though in the midst of intensive chemotherapy, I have been able to undertake two challenging publishing ventures, which I will report on at the end of this posting. In addition, I am pleased that ideas for new writing projects have been coming to me at a fairly rapid rate.

Here’s an important aside about chemotherapy. When you are undergoing chemotherapy, you are holding two contrary wishes in your head: One is that the chemo will not make you too sick. The other is that the chemo will make you sick enough to kill the cancer inside your body. You sure don’t want what I experienced back when I was being treated with Velcade. You don’t want the treatment to be a total failure.

Not Terminal

In summary, I do not feel in any respect that I am close to death, in other words that I am terminal. I feel very much alive and hopeful. That said, I need to comment on the fact that I am moving ever closer to the next big stage in my medical treatment, which is the bone marrow transplant.

The idea behind the bone marrow transplant is that the patient has his blood chemistry redone. The hope is that through this extreme life-risking process the impurities in the blood that allow the generation of cancerous lymphocytes, a disease known as lymphoma, will be eliminated. Back six years ago, that is, in 2002, I had my first bone marrow transplant.

Called Autologous

Back then I was my own donor, that is, the basic stem cells that were used to rebuild my blood system came from me. The technical term for this kind of bone marrow transplant is “autologous.” The stem cells taken from me were purified to the maximum extent possible and then cryogenically frozen for later infusion in me.

In an allegenic bone marrow transplant, the stem cells come from a donor other than yourself. In this type of bone marrow transplant, the patient has an even greater chance of receiving a completely clean infusion. On the other hand, the risks from an allegenic bone marrow transplant are far higher, especially for anyone over 60. (I am approaching 69.)

Hoped for a Cure

Back in 2002 I hoped that the bone marrow transplant would cure me of lymphoma. What it did was give me five years of remission from the disease, but alas it was not a cure.

If and only if I am in remission from my latest chemotherapy—and that can only be determined in a CAT scan—I will go through a round of injections to build up the stem cells in my blood. My blood will be drawn so that the technicians can get at my stem cells, which will then be purified and preserved through a deep freezing or cryogenic process. What is left of the blood chemistry generation system that remains in me, most of which is centered in the hip bone, by the way, will then be killed.

Tense Time: Blood Chemistry Regeneration

The process of growing a new blood chemistry generation system in me will begin with the thawing of my purified stem cells and their infusion back into my body. Then comes the tense time when I and the medical staff wait for the reinfused stem cells to take up home in my hip bone and to regrow a new blood chemistry generation system. The whole process will take no less than seven weeks, and then there is the recuperation and recovery time, an indeterminate period.

I will be coming back to this subject of the bone marrow in subsequent postings, and so let me now switch to my big news, my “exciting announcement.” I have now signed a contract with Xlibris, an on-demand publishing service, for two books. My hope is that the first of these books will be available in about a month. The Xlibris bookstore is at the following address: http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore.

Announcing: Murdoch McLoon

The first book is a sea adventure called “Murdoch McLoon And His Windmill Boat, An Epic For Our Time.” The second book is called “City Above The Sea.” Both books are poetry. “Murdoch McLoon is a story poem, and both are illustrated featuring the work of talented illustrator Lisa Marie Brennan. Look for more information on both books in these pages and on my general website: http://www.sasaftwrites.com. It is anticipated that both books will have their own websites and will be offered through the Xlibris bookstore as well as Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Borders and other online outlets.

I will be providing more information on these two books in subsequent postings. Thanks for tuning in to Mind Check. Look for another posting in about two weeks.

Copyright © 2008 by Stephen Alan Saft